The world is a place of paradoxes. To list a few:
I miss my friends and family at home so very much, but I am so happy to be where I am.
To quote Ingrid Michaelson:
“We hate the rain when it fills up our shoes, but how we love when it washes our cars;
We love to love when it fills up the room, but when it leaves we’re cursing the stars”.
The bible says we are to find joy in our suffering.
And because of Jesus, we have the status of kings and the duties of slaves.
It is this last paradox that really hooks me. It is a paradox that is very close to my heart and has been very apparent, and I believe will prove to be even more apparent, in my time here in South Africa. It is one that I think we may have all learned, but tend to forget or lose focus on.
I have been and am still learning the status and worth that the Lord places on me as His daughter; free from sin, white as snow, fearfully and wonderfully made. I think it is a struggle for any human being, but from experience, especially for girls, to find a self-image that matches that of God’s eyes for them. It is a struggle that I have contended with all my life, which my wonderful Mom (who I miss SO much) can attest to. It amazes me, especially living in a place of such beauty, that the God who created this land and all of its magnificence also created me and thinks that I am even more beautiful. To look outside and see lush, rolling green hills, waterfalls and stars that can take your breath away, and then to think that God sees me as more beautiful is almost incomprehensible. We are all beautiful children of the King. We must not simply learn this; it must be engrained in us, tattooed on our hearts and minds. Because we are children of the King, we are royalty; we have the status of kings.
But with the status comes responsibility. Because we are children of the King, we must serve the Kingdom. Fulfilling the “duties of slaves” sounds a bit harsh, but as faith and joy invade your heart it becomes a pleasure. These duties can encompass a lot of things, but what stands out to me in this place and at this time is giving your self away for others. I have always had a heart that loves to serve others, and that is something that I want to pursue all of my life, but God is teaching me new things in regards to service. I think that there is another paradox we should try to fulfill as Americans: we live in a very individualistic, materialistic society, but we must think in “Kingdom terms” and give all of ourselves as a collectivistic society of Christ. In all that we do, we should be doing it for the advancement and betterment of the Kingdom. Freely we have received; freely we must give.
I have felt convicted while being here about how materialistic and individualistic I can be. On Tuesday we visited the second of four service sites that we will visit as we discern where we are supposed to serve. We drove through the township where the Ethembeni site is located and saw one of the many parts of the country that qualifies as “third world”. We saw a number of houses that were unlivable according to American standards, some made purely of mud and sticks, and met some of the children that Ethembeni serves who have all been affected by HIV/AIDS, whether it be they lost a caretaker to AIDS or have HIV themselves. The next day we went to the mall. Yeah, the mall. A mall trip has never seemed so selfish. We take trips to the mall multiple times a week and it never fails that the majority of students come back with bags full of purchases. I came back from the mall with 3 new tops and a coffee in my hand. This is just after visiting townships full of people who barely have a home or running water. I realize that it is a little radical and out of the question to never buy anything or give away all of your possessions, but could you? If God asked you to, could you give away all you have? And even if you couldn’t, would you be willing to give some? Would I be willing to abandon all of my belongings and follow Christ?
It is not all about giving material possessions, but giving your self as well and utilizing your spiritual gifts. We have been given gifts and opportunities to give to others and it is our responsibility to respond in a way that glorifies God and serves His Kingdom. I hope that I can relearn to do this not only at my service site, but in every moment here in South Africa, and when I return to the states. I pray that God would give me a true servant’s heart. That I would have a heart of love and service, and of humility, and the knowledge that I am not the one who deserves the glory. I pray that my view of people, the world, and service of the Kingdom would be transformed into that of God’s view.
Part of this thought came from the feeling I had when visiting the service site on Tuesday. I am praying and trying my best not to hold on too tightly to Ethembeni and to discern where God would have me go, but it is difficult. “Ethembeni” means “place of hope” which describes it perfectly. I felt as though my heart might leap out of chest and my eyes struggled to keep the flood gates secure as we toured the site. It was a feeling of purpose and a presence of Christ in that small, shabby place that serves as a safe place and second home to many children. To be able to work with Zulu speaking, HIV/AIDS affected people, primarily children, would be an absolute honor and dream for me. If I could give even a glimmer of hope to someone, I would feel I had succeeded. I am staying open to the possibility of this feeling returning at other sites, but as of now, my heart is with Ethembeni.
I hope that at the end of this semester, this group of students would be a living paradox. That we would live out the truth that we have the status of kings and the duties of slaves; that we are selfish by nature but give selflessly.
I could (and hopefully will) write about all of the other things I am learning while here, but I have a Zulu test to study for! But, here are some highlights of fun things we have done so far in Pietermaritzburg:
· Dinner at Cappello for Janet’s birthday, where we all dressed up, had dinner, and terrorized/danced around the restaurant.
· Gangsta themed dance party for Enoch’s birthday
· Volleyball…lots of volleyball. We are having a 4v4 tournament on Sunday entitled “The 45th Hunger Games”…the series is a big deal on campus.
· Visited the Birds of Prey sanctuary where we got to see everything from owls to vultures.
· Visited the site where Ghandi was kicked off of a train because he was an Indian in first-class.
· We are going to an all-you-can-eat pizza night tonight where there will be a pizza-eating contest.
· There is probably more, but my brain is failing me.
So, as the Zulus would say: Sizobonana! Sala kahle!